The Battle Cry of the Two Year Old.

Mark Twain said, "The only two certainties in life are death and taxes." *

For those of us with our own little people, we know this statement to be untrue.  No offence Mark, but there are actually three certainties in life; death, taxes, and the undeniable independence our children seek.....thus giving birth to what I now affectionately refer to as the 'Battle-Cry-of-the-Two-Year-Old'....a.k.a - "I.  DO. IT."

Some say (incorrectly I might add) that the words "I Love You" are the most powerful words in the English language.  I would put my money any day of the week on the fact that those words would be effortlessly defeated by an even half-hearted attempt by any toddler worth his salt who is leveraging that all important independence in his life.  I tell you, there is nothing more powerful, focused, un-ignorable, or determined as a little person who has decided "I do it".

I don't have a lot of clear memories of the first few months of the Princess' life.....a wicked case of PPD and of course the all consuming lack of sleep have left me with what I would now consider a romantic haze of memories (similar to the very flattering 'soft lighting' effect professional photographers so geniusly use) which is probably entirely responsible for the Caveman's mere existence.  I do however have a few very vivid memories still intact.  One took place late one night while rocking the Princess in the rocker that was my permanent home for those first few months. I was looking longing down the hallway (dreaming of my bed which I was seriously neglecting my relationship with) and it dawned on me that one day, this tiny baby I was cradling in my arms, would toddle her way down that hallway into my arms - I know, chalk another one up to the romantic haze of a new mother - what I should have imagined was a whirling dervish tearing down the hall, leaving a trail of toilet water from the latest find of a new hand washing destination.....but again, then we most likely wouldn't have gained our Caveman.  Anyhow....as every new mother experiences, I was in too big a hurry for my little one to grow up.  Waiting desperately for the first smile, the first laugh, the first roll over, the first step, and finally the first words.  Obsessively consulting milestone charts to ensure our Princess was keeping up, comparing her constantly to every other baby we had access to, and like everything else to do with parenting - worry, worry, worry.  At the time, I'm not sure what I was more proud of, my university degree or the fact that my kid was able to sit up unassisted prior to the average developmental timeline.

Somewhere in the new mother haze, I remember my mother (a BTDT of the highest calibre) gently pointing out that I was in such a hurry for the Princess to walk and talk, but there would come a day when I would long for her to sit down and shut up.  Perish the thought!!  How could anyone be so insensitive to the incredible world of growth and discovery that I was about to experience.  Just imagine all the life altering experiences my child was about to embark on, with me, her ever patient mother gently guiding and opening doors of endless learning opportunities for her to gain that all valuable insight into her rapidly expanding world.  I really think I also had a vision of us in flowing white dressing running through fields of wildflowers hand in had as well, something akin to a Timotei commercial of the 80's but again, I blame the haze.....

Hmm....suddenly the ever patient mommy who was meant to be guiding her impressionable charge gently through a life lesson had to get to a doctor's appointment on time... the fifteen minutes necessary to thoroughly examine the minute speck of dirt we discovered on the way to the car wasn't in our time budget.....nor was the endless round of questioning 'why' the day the Princess discovered the Christmas lights had gone up outside or the time required to meticulously examine each bulb and identify it's color when mommy had to get to work on time.....but nothing, nothing, could prepare me for the impending time and emotional challenge that would come with the first utterance of the phrase "I do it."

Being a less than patient person by nature (I know, I just expected that you kind of got these skills after the birth of your children....clearly someone really needed to smack some sense into me at some point) I found, and still do find, the challenge of this developmental state.....um......okay.....well, let me just say there are days that I would rather squirt Purell directly into my eyes than face one more round.  Suddenly, it was as if every single moment of our day required an additional eight hours to accomplish.  Getting dressed in the morning?  Most days results in the Princess stomping her feet and screaming as she tries to get her head into every nook and cranny of her shirt other than the head hole....as gently as possible I quip in the equivalent of verbal tiptoeing, "should mommy help you?"

"NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.  I DO IT!!!!!!!"

Right.  Of course.  How could Mommy be so stupid?   Obviously you can do it.

There isn't a corner of our lives this new found independence hasn't touched.  Breakfast in the morning?  Of course Princess can take the foil off the yogurt herself (which conveniently is the only food she will entertain consuming in the morning, other than chocolate)  By the time the foil has been shredded off the yogurt, the Priness remains undaunted that most of it is now on the table, floor, and toddler resulting is more much appreciated cleaning for mommy and another round of I-can-dress-myself.  Brushing our teeth?  You guessed it - faucet, toothpaste, and actual brushing all fall into the scope of I can do it.  Bring on some more cleaning for mommy, questionable dental hygiene for Princess, and the realization that if mommy had half a brain left after two babies I would be strongly encouraging my toddler to become a Nudist.  Then the emotional bracing begins for the battle over the carseat....and yes, Mommy takes the tantrum on that one.....and secretly longs for the offering of a bottle of Purell by a complete stranger willing to step in and trade me......

Of course, at the very end of the day when Princess is snoring softly in her crib and the chaos of the day has subsided, and mommy has at least one glass of wine under her belt the guilt of mommyhood inevitably creeps it's way into my thoughts as I reflect on the million ways I could have been a more supportive, gentler Mommy who fostered better learning and provided more opportunities for the Princess to 'do it'......and as I pick the last remnants of the dried toothpaste out of my hair I commit to facing tomorrow with a new resolve of patience and understanding......

Well, at least until I hear "I do it".....then all bets are off......


*This quote is most often attributed to Mark Twain, but there is some uncertainty to it's actual origin.  Some Historians feel this quote may have originated in a 1789 letter from Benjamin Franklin to Jean-Baptiste Leroy.  And you are very welcome for your useless trivia of the day.