Life Lessons......

Since the Princess graced us with her presence, my view on the world has changed.  Dear God has it changed.

Things that I once wouldn't have given a second thought to, now have become paramount beacons of worry.....every single milestone in her life has become a reminder that my little girl, once a baby, is heading rapidly into a world where her mommy won't be there to protect her....a world where there are bullies, drugs, and crying in the bathroom after losing her virginity (I know, a passage of womanhood she'll have to experience).....but I'm trying to arm her with as much life savvy as I can to make this journey as survivable for both of us as possible. 

Now, being the type of parent that I am (confident in my totally unproven abilities and comfortable with winging my way through my lack of education on most parental subjects) I look for all sorts of opportunities to bestow my pearls of wisdom upon my toddler - who is clearly ready to learn these all important life lessons.

Today, we were driving down to Victoria to visit Grandma and Grandpa.  After finding an old CD that I burned ages ago (Dana's Mega Mix, labelled in Sharpie.....I know, try not to be jealous, being this cool just comes easy....) we were rocking in out to Feist, Mika, and PJ Harvey.  By about Mill Bay, Amy Winehouse came on.....

The Princess is head bopping in the back and shouting "No, No, No" because she's two and what word is more revered in the toddler-dom than that?  As I glance in the rearview mirror it hits me that this could be one of those golden learning opportunities....

Mommy: "Hey Princess.....It's kind of ironic that she's singing about not going to rehab because she really did need rehab.  She had lots of trouble in life, she did drugs, and she died.  It's really bad to do drugs, they make you die"  (See what I mean about confident in my unproven parenting skills?)

Princess: "Huh?"

Mommy: "Say 'Pardon Me' Sweetheart - saying 'Huh' is rude..... and Mommy said, drugs are bad.  They make you die"

Princess: "No, No, NO, NO, NO!!!!!"  (This is becoming gleeful)

Mommy (still undaunted): "Yes Princess.....promise Mommy you will never do drugs.  Dye your hair, get tattoos, wear weird clothes.....just promise Mommy you won't do drugs.  Drugs make you die."  (Ok, I admit at this stage I may be belabouring the point.....)

Princess: "Okay Mommy!"

Mommy FTW!!!!  On my accomplishment high, because clearly an 'Okay Mommy' from a two year old has secured me a daughter free of future drug use, I decided to tackle one more issue....

Mommy: "You know who else did drugs and died?"

Princess: "Daddy?"

Mommy: "No Baby, not Daddy.  Caillou.  Caillou did drugs and he died.  That means we can't watch him anymore."

For anyone who has actually had to suffer through any exposure to Caillou, you are all secretly admiring my chutzpah on this one.

Princess: "Caillou?"

Mommy: "Yes Baby, Caillou."

Princess: "Gilbert died too?"

Crap.  Didn't see this one coming.  Now totally winging it. 

Mommy: "Well Baby, Gilbert is a kitty....and kitties don't do drugs."  Secretly crossing my fingers this will subdue the unexpected line of questioning.

Princess: "Rosie?"

Alright Mommy.....time to regroup here.....we still have Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa, Leo, Clementine, Jeremy and Jeffery.....well, you get the picture.  I need to kibosh this before I scar my kid for life with what has the potential to turn into a very macabre conversation.....and maybe, just maybe, the tiniest bit of Mommy guilt is creeping into my thought train here as I'm killing off an entire family.  Mind you, the thought did also cross my mind that Mommy, after having to look at Daddy in his hideous red turtleneck, green sweater, blue pant combo every frickin' day might not mind if an unforeseen heroin overdose allowed her to move onto a better choice....but I digress.....

Mommy: "You know what Baby, just because we can't watch Caillou anymore doesn't mean that other shows you like aren't still on.....we can watch those....."  Please, please, please please, please......

Princess: "MAX AND RUBY!!!!!!"

Awesome. Second only to Caillou in annoyance factor.  I'm done.  I have no more moves.  I've just killed a bald four year old....I can't sacrifice the bunnies too. 

Princess FTW.

Fast forward a few hours, and I'm telling the story while the Princess laughs adorably at the antics of quite possibly the most annoying orphaned bunnies on the face of the earth.  After I'm done here, I'll be starting on my speech for my Mother-of-the-year-Award.  Clearly, after the incredibly impressive parenting that took place this afternoon, it's not too far away in my future.....